Differences between men and women.
In Better You Academy Eric Edmeades did a talk about the differences between men and women.
Some say that there are no differences between men and women but there actually are and if you don't consider them, your relationship is going to be in a lot of trouble.
Men and women were historically sitting at different fires - it affected how our brains and emotions developed, how we communicate and our personality development.
These differences were practical. Men went hunting because women spent most of the time with children. Men learned to be more stoic and quiet because making a lot of noise would have scared the animals away. Women shared and talked a lot to scare the wild animals away from the village.
Evolution gap - gap between our physical/psychological development and the pace of change in our civilisation.
At one point our society started developing faster than our biology. Our species has evolved through filtration of the natural changes in the environment. At some point our technology started to develop faster than we were able to do physically. It opened up a small gap. This fast development in our society has made our relationships really hard to cope with.
Number one skill in life: communication. Intelligence has no correlations with being happy. The quality of your life is correlated with the quality of your relationships and sex.
Historically men and women lived in separate groups.
The current relationship construct we have put in does not take account the emotional differences that exist between men and women. If we would learn to navigate these differences things would go a whole lot easier.
The main reason relationships are so hard is because we don`t consider our differences.
Men hope that women don`t change but it´s a nature of feminine to change. It`s in the nature of feminine to evolve.
Women hope that men change but they won`t.
Women often choose a man who has a great potential but you also have to make sure that he is actually doing something about it and growing. Otherwise he will always stay with a lot of potential but never actually going anywhere.
Men have to accept that women open and close it`s just in their nature to grow and evolve.
Woman wants to shape a man but if there`s nothing to shape anymore, she loses interest.
If you agree and do what a woman wants, she will be happy for a second but lose the respect little by little.
You have to show that you have a backbone.
Women actually love when you have a backbone and they can't change you.
Men are afraid of dealing with women's emotions and are often giving in too easily.
Women feel loved when you pull their troubles out of them.
Men get more stressed when they talk about their troubles - women get more relaxed.
When a man says nothing is wrong - the full sentence of it is: “Nothing I can handle on my own and really I don`t want to talk about it at the moment.”
When a woman says nothing, it means: “Nothing unless you really love me and try to pull it out or me and help me to cleanse my system. “
If woman says nothing, it means everything and if man says nothing, it means nothing.
Women relieve their stress by talking about their problems.
When men talk about their problems it makes them feel worse.
When a woman isn`t saying much, it`s a clue that something bothers her. Usually when a man asks then what`s wrong and a woman says “nothing”, a man thinks it really means “nothing” and leaves the woman alone. But it`s a huge mistake!
When men are banging with pots and pans and make a lot of noise - it`s a warning: “Don`t come near me!”. When women are doing it they need help. She needs a hug.
Ask her: “If there was anything at all, what might it be? How can I help you?” Women need to let it out.
When a man says nothing, women need to leave men alone or just sit in silence with them.
Men just need somebody's presence when they are stressed. Sometimes men need a woman's presence, not their prodding.
Men have learned to be in silence because they were hunters and they didn`t want to scare animals away.
Talking is the lowest calorie effort to make noise. Women and children learned to make noise to scare the animals away.
Women just want to talk their stress out and not have men to fix it.
She doesn`t mean it, she FEELS it.
Women often speak in absolute terms. That makes a man want to argue.
Advice for women: don`t say “ALWAYS”, say “sometimes i feel like…” . Avoid absolutes and use “sometimes” instead. Then a man can`t argue with it.
Advice for men: her feeling is just a feeling, not a statement of fact. Don`t take it personally.
Women say things in absolutes but what they actually mean is sometimes… Don`t take it personally.
Women just need to vent and let their emotions out to relieve their stress. A man`s job is not to take it personally and not get caught up by it.
The same activities that makes women to reduce their stress levels makes men to raise their stress levels.
Women: if you really need to lower your stress levels and talk - ask your man to go for a walk.
Women are really good at reading microexpressions on mens faces.
Mens job is just to listen, not fix anything and not to take it personally. Disregard the absolutes.
Men are very literal, women are vague. Men don`t understand hints.
If you want to train a man, reward him immediately when he does something you want.
Men don`t like unsolicited advice.
The more honest and open the relationship, the better the chance of its survival.
You train people how to treat you.
When your partner throws a temper tantrum - you have to stand your ground. Every behaviour you allow will be repeated.
The problem with transformation is we try to do a big change at once.
Realise it`s a GAME!
7 Day challenge:
1) Women in a relationship: Include “I feel” in the conversation
2) Men - listen for the “I´m sorry” that`s not there. Your job is to hear “I feel” and let her vent. Don`t take anything personally.
3) Single people - be yourself. If they can`t fall in love with that version of you - they are not the right person for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment